phuture was ok tat dae....but stayed only for a short while...din drink much tat day too...surprisingly...maybe wasnt feeling well tat day too.... drank with honey a cup of baileys and my favorite, without fail - lychee martini....

hope u and him are okie already... was shocked to see the both of u like tat with my own eyes =X

hmm...last friday was our last paper, last day in Shatec too.... the trainers had a farewell lunch for us...was nice...very sweet of them =)



-our vending machine haha -




-acting is just their forte haha...always get entertained by them ... without them, i'll be totally bored in school manx-



-check out the gossiperx...lolx-

-staring, the two ah lians, thats is our job in school..STARING! -


-alrightx, they just love the vending machines and cant bare to part with them...-

- horizon, their training restaurant during our F&B module -

-one of our classroom-

-the cks rawkx -

-us, with our IT master, Timothy -

-cks with mr low, our F&B trainer and 1st course tutor-

-cks with our humourous Mrs mary ann lai , our housekeeping trainer =)

tat ends our journey in shatec and off to our attachment...


just found these peektures in my fone....haha.x... could be a long time i din upload peektures from my fone already.... and honey is very angry...lolx...

went phuture 2 weeks ago..during our development workshop week and went after project meeting....and the pictures...2 only la...


-m ii and honey -

-jac, honey and me-



-aint this cutie? my bedroom slippers from taiwan, darling sis bought it....haha-


-hurhur , my "tor tor" bought by mr gay for me-


-oh yes, my apple macbook is finally here! but mine is the white one....wanted the black one but more expensive...but its okie...haha...
thanks mom for the lappy, love it...hahax....


to end with the post..my picx...lolx...darn! getting zhi lian recently....

-fierce? - =X

-my reflection shows-

-my favorite pic...hahax...-

i hope to feel better as days pass by me...
i hope to find back myself as the days passes by..
i hope to be fine one day again
i hope i hope i hope
i hope the depression in me will not haunt me that often
:)


think better get some rest, seems ages tat i've not slept or eaten well... should try to sleep tonight bah...
yes, next wednesday....zouk!.....hehe....gonna be dead drunk on tat night....
finally can club without having to think got exams, got school, got test...all the burdens...
but it will be the last time gonna club with my girlfriends, wont have much chance already cause all will be doing our attachment...cant club often already.. =(
will be missing my girlfriends lotx....

things just went hay-wired all of a sudden, that's not the ending i wanted... ttat's not the news i wanna hear and tat's not the news i wannna noe at all..but i still have the right to know, don't i?

haha..suddenly lost of words for tat moment...wad should i write, how should i write, how to write my thoughts here?

all i noe now is i can feel tat my heart had been bleeeding internally since the day i knew the news, and i can feel it din stop bleeding at all... my tears too.. it din stop flowing down whenever i'm alone... no one noes how i feel, maybe not even myself either anymore... not much of feelings, not much of expression...

behind every smile i made, are my tears hiding from people..
nowadays, my heart feel so pain that i can't breathe anymore... i guess how much it hurts right now. i'm left with my songs in my computer in the night to let me to sleep, but it is a long and dreading every night...but all didnt help...in the end is the insomnia tat keeps me awake, the things they did kept me awake, the nightmare keeps haunting me.

depression is back to haunt me again...
i really duno how to handle my feelings anymore... i just can't stay calm anymore, or am i just numb or im trying to be numb myself... soon, i'll might shut down from myself and the people around me or i might break down anytime now...
have to juggle with my emotions, have to concentrate on my studies and exams this whole week, have to control my feelings infront of friends and family, which i can't show my true self to them anymore, cuz it's just pain and tears if i were to show them...which i wont want to see them cry because of me...it aint worth it either...

my smiles are gone, my happiness is gone too... if i were to find those back myself, how long am i gonna take? another 5 years or even longer?
i'm already drained out from everything, i wanna stop the thinking, but its really a nightmare, the things they left me to deal with, is truely great... doing things without considering other people's feelings and the emotion, the hurt the person will get, they did what they are happy and satisfy themselves....and tat's it....

pls, let me get over it and done with so that i can get on with my life..
now i'm seem to be stuck in a pool of quicksand... i cant get myself out anymore, i need a helping hand, i feel that i'm sinking into the pit hole deeper day by day...
always throwing the consequences back at me for me to pick it all up by myself

in the mean time, let me just kill myself with anything that can numb my heart ...
as well,
hApPy bIrThdaY tO DeAresT Y.C....

i was stupid to say sorrie
i was stupid to feel guilty all along
i was stupid to think tat i'm the one who let youu down
i was stupid to put the blame on myself
but all these stupidness in me has come to a halt
after tonight, i dun have to say sorrie to youu anymore
after tonight, i dun have to feel guilty towards youu anymore
after tonight, i realised that i'm not the one who let youu down...
but its youu, youu did...
it took me so long to analyze and get the whole picture...
glad tat youu are happy with your life now
get to go where ever youu wish to go
meeting people whoever youu wish to meet
doing the things that youu love to


i was sad that youu ddint understand
now i'm not...
cuz i realised things turned around
and it turned ugly
andd it aint important anymore for me to let youu knoe whats going on
wads the reason
all the whys...
in the end, i still realised tat promises are meant to be broken by youu..
dun sae to someone youu love her but its only saying and trying to win her baack...
dun say when you are about to lose that person..
now i realised tat i aint important to youu at all after all...
all i can sae is truely, truely disappointed in the results in the end...


since you've moved on ahead of me already....i shall too...
which i din expect will be her again...
well, i aint the one who youu will keep your promise to
i aint the one who will affect your decision and keep your decision to make a stand and keep at least a little of your dignity for me to respect...


i aint nothing to youu at all in the end

presentations after presentations, projects after projects are finally over
waited for this day to come...
hectic life i've been living in
yupx, Shatec do torture us somehow...
but definately, i will miss the days in school where the cks 'calls the shots', where we had many differences with the whole class, but who cares? as long we are happy in the way we live and we dun have anything to hide...we are happy...

this two weeks is our development workshop.. the last crucial projects before we leave the school and is time we will go our separate ways and into our working life, attachment....
i'm blessed with a team of great people: Rafidah, Kase, Dian, Vanessa, Alicia, Jac[my darlin] and of cuz me...though throughout the last two years in school, we have never worked together as a team, in a project before, but it was a great experience...though we all have our own differences in either our character or the way we work, but we still managed to survive the limited hours of sleep due the the darn projects which it is so darn difficult... but thank youu people... you've made my time for the last two weeks a memorable one, a great one.


some messages to my cks:
of cuz firstly my honey glenda: haha...time passed very quickly this 2 years. but without youu, i'll not have enjoyed my school life in Shatec...i remembered youu were the one who brought me to clubbing for the first time - [ChinaBlack]....enjoyed it alot...haha...youu were always there for me whenever i'm super down or i have troubles and problems along the way... though sometimes, very rude to me...but i noe.. youu still love me right?! lolx..... i love youu too! ... will always remember the chilling out late in the night, sending me home, clubbing times, shopping spree, influencing me with all your polka dotx and of cuz, the time we were in class doing bo liao and nonsense stuff...=).. will treasure this special relationship with ya ever!....


to my darling amelia: keke....hey hey...this gal...unknowingly, has been taking transport with me since day one to school...always wait for me at the mrt when i'm always late...threaten me to leave for school without me but she has never done that once to me before, will patiently wait for me to arrive...haha...tats wad i call a DEARIE to me.... thanks for taking the trouble to pick me up from my house at times to school also... i'll never forget the times when we talked all the way in the darn crowded mrt....talked everything under the sun, sharing secrets... shopping, yes yes...chilling and clubbing..of cuz...well, will definately miss you as my travelling companion to school from now on... and of cuz...entertaining me in the train when i'm super bored or down....=) will miss u, definately...cutie!


to my darling jac: this two weeks of development workshop has been a great experience with ya...just the two cks...haha...but we survived! a stronger relationship we have with each other...defnately...thanks for taking care of me this two weeks during the project work.... taking care of me during clubbing...haha...will always remember the wildness when we all went clubbing...thanks to your dad too at time will send us back to toa payoh and really cuts the travelling time alot!...hehe....take care lovely...


to my sister alison: yes, our paparazzi in the cks...haha....always providing us great information and of cuz, the editor and writer for all reports when we are doing our projects...haha...without youu, we will be lost...hhehe....great personality, great character...thanks for 'barging and intruding' into our lives suddenly out of nowhere....you've brought much joy and laughter into my life, giving me great advices which i will not forget....teasing and putting me down at times but, i dun mind...lolx.... well, you have to tolerate all my nonsense for the next one year more...wahahahaha.....still having lunch together....muahahaha....yes, fately, we got into the same company...high pay...will have fun working together again...all my nonsense will come out again..cya sister! will not sae miss u...cuz i'll be seeing youu for one more year hahha....


to my da jie, lorrane: hehe, not sure if u still read my bloggie...but there will be a message for ya...of cuz man....thanks for this two years of guidance, the teaching and scolding me....haha...will miss your scoldings and teasing when we leave the school...but we will meet up whenever we can... a great, professional and a woman with great mind which i ever come across in school...capable definately...my sitting partner in class...haha...thanks for teaching and giving me notes when i dun have the time or lazy to write my own notes for exams or tests....haha....~ all the best in your career....miss uu my da jie!


to the guy who always has nu ren yuan, adrian: haha, youu also suddenly came into the ck family unknowingly...but thanks for the past 2 years of fun, laughter...though youu are always so rude and vulgar to me....always treating me as a guy....hmph!...time to change tat thinking man....lolx...will miss ya la...great buddy.... take care 'AH FAKIE'! will miss this name siah...lolx....the funny story behind it....


lastly, the 'sisterly' chuen wei: hey sister!...haha....this two years has been great having youu around....always buying things for us, doing us many favours... doing honey drinks for all of us when we were drained out doing projects....baoing most of the project work yourself...ahahha...without youu, duno how to survive throughtout the project times...thanks ya!....one advice...dun be so naggy can? keke...thanks for your xi xing breakfast - ham and eggs...always remembering wad i dun like to eat and wad i like.... so sweet sister leh... will miss uu la...





one more week is my final exam in school...scared...haven prepare and study yet...no time...cuz of the two weeks of development workshop....oh yea! i passed my ABACUS!....keke...i'm happy cuz its darn difficult.....thank God....


to youu: i duno wad to say to youu now, if there nothing good stuff that will come out from my mouth...i'll definately shuddup..though i have much things to sae to youu....but also dun wan youu to misunderstand the whole situation...i knoe it was a sudden decision...but youu sensed it early...i sensed it too.. 2006 is the last year the last destination tat we will be together...the last stop for us...it is sad...i noe..it hurts i knoe it too...but many things happened over the years, things accumulated too much that i dun even knoe and it does affect me and burdens my heart...you dun feel affected by those things is because either youu dun care and the tragic things didnt fall on youu and happened to youu...still afraid of betrayal if i have to admit...
even if u dun understand or dun even wanna understand, dun wanna forgive me for wad i did, i'll let it pass...misunderstand me, i dun mind...
actually hating me now rather than still loving me, i'll feel better...
things just dun happen overnight, but it accumulates over the years and 5 years was a little long out of a sudden...
i'll always remember the great memories you left for me...
from now on, youu and i will have no more shedding of tears...=)
i'll always remember the day youu fell for me and i did too subsequently...
remember the days we went school together
remember the days we went on lovely dates...=)
remember the days i waited for youu in school until you've played finished your soccer games...
memories are there for me and youu to remember the sweetest time we had together but not for us to cry...
i'll definately wont hate youu for ignoring me from now onwards...i can understand...
the Ai QIng Guo Cheng with youu was definately an exciting, challenging and of cuz, great experience for me to be your girlfriend once...
the protection i have from youu...
but sadly i never had your heart wholeheartedly once before...
the security i want from youu wasn't there too..
we were young, we dun mind...haha
as we think tat as long we have each other, tats enuff
but as we grow older, we expect more things, we demand more things...
maybe my expectations are too high from youu...
all i wan to say is me and youu, will be moving on with our own lives....
there will be someone out there still waiting for youu wholeheartedly...
the scars in mine and your heart we inflicted on each other will definately be forever there... that is when i'll never forget there is this guy in my life before...
tats youu... =)
the scars are real... it shows tat we do have our pasts of each other before....
i wish and bless youu with someone who will take over my place, will take care of youu for the rest of your life, will shower youu with great love, and she will be love of your life once again...
goodbye my guy....

hmm...aint he darn handsome...haha.... die la... in love with him already leh...how siah...
so sweet and handsome... am damn crazziee now... watched Devil Beside You within 2 days on YouTube...lolx...cheapo siah..no money buy the vcd, have to watch on youtube.... but at least i get to watch everything...hahahaha....



nice show.... worth my time watching him...lolx....




-ying lun hua hua gong zi -



will update my bloggie soon on other things...now lazy, will update soon on class 'mirror me ' event and our havana nite...